Friday, August 7, 2009

What am I?

What am I?

We can start with the basics, as that is usually a good place to start. Woman. Wife. Mother. Lover. Friend. Gamer. Auto Mechanic. Very simple, and yet extremely complicated.

 Not so simple, then, and not so basic.  

  Psychic Vampire: I feed on the energy of other people. It’s not something I try to do, or that for the most part I do voluntarily. But it is there and it is part of me.

  Masochist: Yes. I delight in physical pain. But what difference does it make to you or to anyone where I find my pleasures? Why should it matter to anyone that I feel my best just after a sparring match or a fight, that I love to display my bruises and scratches and claw marks and bites? I am never struck in anger, I am never abused. So why should it matter to anyone but me?

 So I have some of the stranger fetishes that turn me on. Again, it is my own pleasure. Why does it matter so much to everyone else, if I enjoy being bound, or whipped, or bled. Does it really matter so much that the taste of blood on my lips drives me to utter madness, or that the full moon drives me to distraction? That the spirit of the wolf is tied so tightly to me that I don’t know where it ends and I begin?

 Why does it matter so much if I choose to wear a collar, given to me by my husband? Is it truly any different than wearing a wedding band? It is a physical representation of the same bond. Why should it matter to you if I choose to sit at his feet, to serve him as I can, as it pleases him? I was not taken, I came willingly too him. Why is that so hard for people to understand?  

They can live in their little boxes if they want, they can go about their lives with the naive notion that everything is just the way they set it in their own little world, and no one can break them of that idea. That’s just fine. I’m happy with the way my life is. I will teach if they want to learn, but if they seek to change, they seek in vain.

I am me. And that is all that matters.

No comments:

Post a Comment